For every cloud is there a silver lining?

当一个人太伤心了思考，往往导致人放弃一切. Qué significa nada si todo el mundo trata de consolarla? 人は一生懸命再試行して、もう一度、彼女は価値があることを証明するとき、それは本当に問題ではありません？quand il ya un rêve impossible, elle a osé rêver. 하지만 그녀는 꿈은 항상 꿈이 될 것입니다 알고 현실에서 설정할 때, 당신은 잔인한 현실에 일어나해야

La realidad de que la vida es dura, tan dura que a veces es agotador sólo para vivir. Maybe ... maybe illic est aliquid melius est reverti in armis olim Faber i tandem pax ametur. 我只是要找到这样做的最好方式.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung

No wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
Lyrics from eLyrics.net

World Cup Final Brazil 2014

Winners: Germany
Golden Ball: Lionel Messi

It is a good game really. From day 1 the Albiceleste entered the finals, many think they don't stand a chance. But they fought bravely until the very end. They didnt have Angel Di Maria and Sergio Aguero wasnt in top form. The rest of the team was mediocre. Though i must give credit to the defenders for fighting until the very last few minutes of the game. They did well, they all did well. And if i am given the opportuity to say something to Argentina...it would be "Well done guys, thank you for doing your very best and giving us such an interesting game to watch" They just looked so exhausted...Albiceleste, I am proud of you. You didnt lose, you got second place. I know that in your eyes thats just not good enough but hey really, look on the bright side. You got past the quarter finals and you are in the finals for the first time in 20 over years. You have achieved what previously couldnt be achieved and a lot of you are still young and still can have another go in 4 years time.

Lionel, you did your best. You are the best player of the tournament and you've got the Golden Ball to prove it. As captain, you are great. Its just that you didnt have enough support from your teammates and its not your fault. Your best partners were injured or recovering from injury. The rest of them probably need to improve on skills for the next tournament but you did great. You had to stay in the shadows of Diego Maradona this whole time and at the same time u carry the weight of the nation on your shoulders. I feel your stress and burden. But its okay....you are only 27, 4 years from now you can still lead your country to victory. Sleep on it mi amor and wake up tomorrow and look forward. You still have your whole career ahead of you.

You have been my inspiration since the start of this tournament Lionel. You still are...and i as a fan, admirer makes a vow that in the next four years i will also do my best to improve myself. In terms of career and other personal achievements. I strive for one to be able to do something that would make a difference to the world. And I would also try my best to learn some Spanish so that if ever i get the chance to meet you we can have a conversation?I would love to have your autograph. Maybe i'll have a chance to in the next four years. Hopefully your English will also improve by then. Apart from that i also pledge to do more charity work and champion more causes that matter to the world. I will in the next four years make myself, my family and hopefully my nation proud of me and i hope that you would be able to do that too.

See you in Russia 2018.

Lionel Messi

Honestly....there has never been a man that is in my mind so much that its as if he lives there...permanently.

I have been spending every waking hour thinking of him. I wonder how he feels at the moment..tired out after the match with the Dutch?is he training for the final?is he stressed about the clash with Germany?

I have every faith that he will do his very best this Monday...but i am genuinely worried as Germany is really good...Plus a really handsome coach.............i mean...the German coach of course...not the Argentine....

What will happen? I cant wait...but I hope they will put up a good fight and avenge the Brazilians....tear down the Berlin wall again!

Lionel....my heart and soul is no longer with me..they are with you at this moment urging you to do your very best and to give your all without regrets. I know for the past 3 matches you didnt score but its okay...no matter what we all love you and believe that you can do the magic!!!!

Vamos Lionel!!! Vamos Argentina!!!

World cup fever!!

Argentina into the semi finals! Wow, my idol and first time captain Lionel Messi has finally been able to propel his country through past quarter finals.

After the world cup started, I have somewhat caught the samba fever head on this time. Especially since my idol is captain of his team. From the beginning, I was genuinely worried for them because the whole team has not exactly given stellar performances for the last 4 matches they have played. I almost had a heart attack during the first knockout game too as they needed to go to extra time to score.

This samba fever in my system is not just rooting for a certain team as well. Its more of rooting for a person, that is of course Lionel who became the person I followed the most for the past 3 weeks whether in the news or in social media. I even went crazy enough to look up his charity organisation and considering to contribute as well as going relentlessly on amazon.com to try and buy his book Messi: Choose to believe which would cost probably a few hundred RM for it to be shipped to me.

Many may argue that my fascination for this soccer player is surely the school girl type or the tragical princess looking for prince charming kind of admiration. True, there maybe elements of that but my fascination with him begins 4 years ago in 2010 when I started watching the World Cup with genuine interest for the first time.

I should probably thank Walt for inducing my Messi-fever during that period, the thing about Lionel that impresses me the most is his loyalty to Barca. As I was told Lionel declared he will never leave Barca for whatever price unless he is sold because he remembers that at the time when he needed help the most, it is that FC that lends out a hand. For a young soccer player having the world under his feet to be able to withstand materialism and show much gratitude towards a benefactor, he truly did earned my respect. Then, there is his sob story of humble beginnings and struggles through a growth hormone deficiency problem since a young age. Instantly double that respect. He didn’t manage to score in 2010 but for the above stated reasons, Messi-fever lasted several months until after the tournament ends before dying down.

Fast forward to 2014, Messi-fever is back. Every single day my thoughts were given to this man, be it a few minutes to hours per day. Watching him evolve on the field, as his no.1 fan, tonight, I feel as I have evolved also. From the beginning I looked forward to see him scoring and my main point of checking the match results (the ones not involving Argentina) the following day would be to see if any of the top scorers had scored. To the point that when Germany played against France yesterday I was actually racing to see the scoreboard just to check if Mueller had scored. And I was pretty happy this morning when I saw that the 2 Brazilian goals weren’t from Neymar. I was pretty sad to see James somebody scoring.

All of that changed this afternoon after hearing the news of Neymar’s injury. One would think that I would be happy to have a golden boot contender out of the race. But I hear of the news of the injury upon reading Lionel’s message to Neymar wishing a speedy recovery. It virtually opened a can of worms for me. Instead of wishing he would score, I was praying that he wouldn’t be injured in any way during tonight’s match. As I watched Lionel play, I suddenly a sort epiphany, I realised that Lionel’s started playing with the team and not in the team. Especially the last two games where he set up goals instead of scoring them. I suddenly realised I could be just as happy watching him control the ball and then pass in on to others so that they could score. I mean, as a star player, the competition would center their defence plan on him. He uses that as an advantage, if he lures them away, he opens up spaces for his team mates to score. Di Maria did the last time, and Higuain did it today. That’s taking one for the team for you and watching him grow to become a Captain that controls and directs the team towards victory is so much more rewarding than a single goal for a personal few minutes of fame. Of course, scoring will be a big achievement for Lionel as he has yet to found a way past the Belgium goalkeeper in the past games they played against each other. Still, as I have thought earlier when Higuain scored, the team might benefit from a bit of feng shui. Meaning if fates dictate Lionel is never meant to score with that goalkeeper, let someone else do the scoring. Worked quite well but of course winning is the mainpoint while scoring against that particular goalkeeper is just icing on the cake. One icing that he will just have to do without this time.

My Messi-fever has gone up a different notch too. Instead of rooting for the man, I now seek to become the man. Even more so after I have read the first chapter of his book, Choose to believe. From a small town boy to a big star, his hurdles with needing financial support, the battle with growth hormone deficiency, death of his grandmother, being a loving father to Thiago, doing charity work through his Leo Messi Foundation to his recent appointment as UNICEF ambassador, he is a role model to look up to in every aspect. And I just found out he is 27, just like me and his birthday is on 24 June meaning he is exactly a month and 17 days younger than me. Yet he has achieved so much.

It made me reflect and think, Penny, what have you been doing your whole life?I now seek Lionel as inspiration. What makes him so successful? Is it his passion for playing football? Maybe, and he managed to make it his full time job too. Maybe I need to fine passion in my full time job or find a job that I am passionate about.

I used to be really good at stuff and then somewhere along the lines I have lost my mojo. I need to get it back. Bouncing up and down, since my high school graduation, I realised that I have never truly stopped obsessing about me. But I have also lost my confidence and gained a lot of weight on the way and somehow that is just unforgivable.

I am unable to go on writing as I have reached the part where I might just grind myself to dust for all the useless things I have done for the past 27 years of my life. Its time to move on. I need a kick. Hopefully a big one coming from Lionel Messi, my dearest idol. My message to Lionel: I know you strive to win the world cup for Argentina but I do hope that you stay safe for the next two games. You might not have that personal breakthrough you are hoping for but you are safe and your team is through, you will have more chances in the future. Gol o no gol usted es mi héroe. And I sincerely hope that Angel Di Maria would recover from injury well enough to play in the next two games. Making that man my second favourite Argentinian for his determination and superb runs in the matches. 

The "incident"

The next time i opened my eyes, I was in the hospital. I had no idea what happened and the first person i saw when i opened my eyes was CY, my roommate and BFF. She said i have been unconscious for 3 days and they found me in front of the cafeteria toilets one morning.

I stayed in the Mater for 3 months. It is a good thing i was covered by insurance as i had a lot of physiotherapy to go through before i could walk properly again. I never remembered what happened that night and i never want to.

Life goes on as normal after the incident. I continued doing research. 3 months later, I realised that something is missing from my life. Something that should happen on a regular basis. My worst suspicion came through. I decided to visit the pharmacy to buy what i needed to confirm. The results came back positive.

What am i to do?I was devastated. I had no one and i am in the middle of my final year. I cant afford this. A thought crossed my mind. But..........i know i could never commit murder. I decided that i will take it one step at a time and when the time comes, i'll then decide what to do.

I read in the news recently regarding the story of the Princess suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum. She had the luxury of being hospitalised in the best hospital of the state and no doubt treated by the best doctor and most importantly loved by a wonderful husband, the handsome Prince. I on the other hand, bit on pieces of ginger to try and stop it. It was those days that i realised that friends are really the jewels of my life.

Besides keeping my dreadful secret, CY cooked my every meal and took care of every single aspect of my life that i could not handle through the last stages of my difficult situation. She took notes for me when i was too sick to attend lectures and covered my assignments for me, especially the group work ones. I had to give up on doing my honours research with Carl, as i was too sick to continue at the time. I did not feel it was fair to the rest of the members of the research group.

The day comes for our final exam...............................i am really going to graduate.............it was towards the end of my last paper....when i felt it.........the strangest sensation of needing to go to the toilet. I quickly finished what i could and raised my hand to hand in the paper. Suddenly..my water broke. Til today i can still remember the horrid smell, as i am sure the rest of the 600 students in the exam hall would too....

It was a difficult delivery. I was only 20 years old. What could i do?

Just a girl

So what if they call me a prostitute"?so what if i really am a prostitute?some states even fight for the rights to legalize prostitution..........and i never thought that prostitution is not a proper job. for millions of years, people have done barter trading. selling personal goods and services in return for something else. which is what i did. so you wanna call me a prostitute?Go ahead.

I am just a girl. True, i sell my body for people who can help me fulfill my dreams. i remember i was 16 years old. My tuition teacher always liked me. He buys me things and cuddles me. He was a man in his 40s but he has given me so much in terms of knowledge and experience. and the most important referral letter that i needed to get a scholarship to go to university when i was 17. So my results are mediocre. but i managed to get in the top highest medical school in the country.

University is a gate to the big world. Yes, the big world is full of big bad wolves and also..................perverts.........this is where i met my mentor......Carl...........he was a part time lecturer but he really is a full time medical officer at a local hospital near my university. Attending Carl's lectures, i can never pay attention to the subject he is lecturing on. I only have eyes for him. Thus begin my infactuation to the very handsome and very charismatic lecturer. Only one problem...he is married...unhappily.....

How would i know?He told me..as soon i was to be doing research under him. Which is my life's dream. To see him everyday. It makes every girl die happy. Many nights we spend together in our research laboratory. Seeking cure to mankinds greatest fear. Sickness and diseases.....research was Carl's life......work is also his life........because he has no other life. Married for the past 5 years with no signs of marital life. It was a " "loveless" marriage. He once told me he feels very trapped in his family and that his wife does not understand him.

2 years. I worked under Carl for 2 years where my infactuation grew into true love. I would do anything for this man if he asks me. Everytime i look at him, i was filled with a desire to bring him love and care and all the happiness in this world. One night, it was a particularly busy quarter...and all lab work need to be completed to be published in the summer version of the journal of medicine in order for the next semester's grant for research to be approved. Everyone in the team was working really hard and we were all physically and mentally exhausted. I couldnt stand the look of Carl's baggy puffy eyes so i went to the cafeteria to get us some coffee...........

The hallways were dark. I was alone and i began to worry as i hear footsteps behind me...........my heart started beating really fast and i walked as fast i could to the coffee machine....suddenly i hear a very loud sound and everything was pitch black.

Short stories

Dear blog...........

i think i am the type of person that reveals too much things online...as my ex bf use to say....i should be banned from using the internet.........

so i have decided that from now on..everything i post on this blog will be purely fictional......and i have decided..thanks to my colleagues Mr Goh and Mr. Mak's inspiration..to post short stories in my blog instead

Disclaimer: everything is purely fictional. any similarities to anyone dead or alive is purely a coincidence.


love,
PJ