Dear blog,
Why do i ask questions that i dont want to hear answers about?why do i constantly hurt myself by doing things that i know will eventually come back and hurt me?why do i let my emotions cloud my better judgement?why why why?
Sometimes i wish that i could handle myself better in these kind of situations..........i am 25 years old this year.......i have lived for 25 years as a human...how could i not know that a brick wall is made of bricks and cements and keep consciously and subconsciously knocking my head on it?
Perhaps my counselor would say thats self sabotaj and that i am punishing myself...i am punishing myself because i believe that someone like me does not deserve to be loved, does not deserve to be close to someone, does not believe that the girl in the mirror is beautiful....deep within regardless of physical appearance...
Maybe i just need someone to look at me and say the words "you are beautiful". in my whole life of 25 years i have only heard those 3 words once....they were not from a boyfriend (that would be bias), those words were uttered by a friend on my 20th birthday. I long to hear these 3 words again.......
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