2AM on a Thursday night

Dear blog,

it is the same feeling of being really really tired but just couldnt fall asleep...........yawn.........................this is pure torture........

Relaxation music...that might help...........back to december...how is that for soothing music?

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time.

Memories came back to me.................good ones and bad ones. lately a colleague sighed and said "sometimes i feel so lonely.....unlike the rest of you...having your husband/boyfriend to go with you if you want to go somewhere for a holiday" i have to admit..sometimes i feel that way too.............when i reflect on my past.......i realise that once i was also part of this group of people that my colleague envied......i have loved somebody and he loved me back............but all i gave him was goodbye. felt a bit guilty.........but life goes on.......i'm not taylor swift......i have no intention of swallowing my pride and changing my mind.......a decision good or bad was made and even if i was to remain single for the rest of my life...SO WHAT??its better than being with a wrong person...........

i have a good future.........i am going to be a good pharmacist.........i have friends.......some i can even call family............relationships, tears, love, hurt........i don't need them..........which reminds me of a song Stay the same by Joey McIntyre.....that would be my short term goal for now...........