Crab in a steamer

Dear Blog,

after that emotional post yesterday, i thought i could get some rest and move one with my life, hit some cp2 targets, do my case report and power point presentation. gosh, was i ever this wrong?firstly, i went to this parlour for my weekly beauty tx, which consists of one procedure named "STEAM BATH". How did it feel?exactly like a crab in a steamer. i was left in this confined space (the size of your average public toilet cubicle) for almost 45 minutes and there is steam blowing from all directions. i found it so hard to breath that i started to feel SOB and palpitations. i couldnt see a thing except steam and i started sweating profusely. the worst was feeling the steam hit my body and condense into droplet of hot water that trickle down everywhere from your shoulder all the way down to you arms, abdomen, thighs and feet. after 15 minutes, i really began to understand how crabs feel when they are steamed alive. for those of you who love to eat crabs, i really recommend this "beauty treatment". The SOB was getting worse and i felt my heart beating really really fast and i thought to myself, why should i go through all this just to lose a few pounds?i mean, if you are going to find someone who loves you for how you look like, isnt that just a little too superficial?i was about to give up and open that door to walk out of hellbath when visions of people, especially my loved ones, laughing at me flashed through my head like a horror movie. I decided to sit through it. after 45 minutes, feeling totally cooked and ready to be plated up and eaten, i walked out of the steam bath (alive, surprisingly) and my beautician handed me a pack of detox drink which had these ingredients

prune powder, dextrose, sorbitol, guarana powder, maltodextrin, psyllium husk, oat powder, wheat dextrin, orange powder and aluminium silicate

i was jst diagnosed with AGE two days ago, it sounded too suicidal for me to drink that so i just kept it. I bit my tongue and stopped myself from saying "hello, i'm trying to lose weight, not die". after all that, i weighed myself, lost 300g. i suspect its 300g of sweat, no fat. sighs. will i ever be thin, pretty and atrractive?and even if i am, will anyone care?

mom still refused to talk to me. then the bombshell, 3 am a call from granny's carer. c/o Cough, SOB. i said "why you call me i am not a doctor..send to hospital!" okay, i admit i sound cruel...but hey...i have U/L insomnia it was really difficult for me to fall asleep. and to be waken up in the middle of the night for something you cant really help....is distressing....they took her to a clinic...doc say the same thing, bring to hospital

so this whole morning i spent in HBM. A/E helping with history, then chest xray, the go all the way to makmal pathologi to take the results, and finally, when admit to w10 i don't know if i should be relieved or worried. diagnosis, lethargy for investigation. i didnt even know got such diagnosis....anyway, i leave it up to her MO now, if no U/L condition hopefully can discharge as there is a high probability that there will be another hospital admission tomorrow afternoon of another family member...

there is only so much a girl can take before she suffers from a nervous breakdown. i'm not asking for much, just please, a little bit of moral support anyone?friends?colleagues?family?i need you now...pls, anything....just even say gambathe is enough to keep me going.....

today is supposed to be the penang bridge international marathon, which i am sure 20.11.11 is a memorable day for most...it is certainly memorable for me but not in a good way...while i was dressing granny up in the xray room or helping her in A/E i lost one side of my diamond earring. bad luck sign? need to ask the astrologers and "tukang tilik nasib".

i end this entry reaching out my hands with a cry for help, care and support. any volunteers?

Love,
Penny