Saturday, December 13, 2014

First love

It was during my final year internship that i met C. To me, he was the perfect guy. Charismatic and funny at the same time. He was an avid researcher and it was his dream to do research in medicine to benefit mankind.

C never once looked down on me or my dark murky past. He accepted me for me and for that i learned that i must accept him from him. Many nights were spent alone in his big empty house, waiting. It was all part and parcel of being with someone so full of ambition.

But sometimes, the nights can be lonely. But i have learned from past failed relationships that love means accepting a person's good qualities and accepting and learning to love those that werent. Because nobody is perfect.

But C being him, is just this perfect guy that wants his girl to have a perfect world. We are two people that are very much in love, and for me, he was willing to give up anything.

I could not let him do that. i could never let him give up his dreams for me. So i choose to let go. I choose to end the relationship this time. Before everything turns sour. I said harsh words. Very harsh words. And then i do what i do best. I disappeared and did not looked back.

You see, MSF does this mission once in a while to specific areas in the world where medical services are needed. If he passed it up, i have no idea when the same chance will come again. i have always believed that if you truly love a person, you do not try to possess him or to keep him by your side, as that is never the main aim. If you truly love someone, you would want him to be happy. And that when you see that he is happy, chasing after his dreams and living it, you would be happy too. No matter how painful it takes for you to put that sharp knife through yourself.

It was a painful step, but i was necessary in order for him to be able to go out on his own, and be free to chase his own dreams, even if those dreams do no include me. Who am I? I am Eva and this is my story

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