I am your angel

No mountain's too high for you to climb
All you have to do is have some climbing faith, oh yeah
No river's too wide for you to make it across
All you have to do is believe it when you pray

And then you will see, the morning will come
And everyday will be bright as the sun
All of your fears, cast them on me
I just want you to see

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel, I'm your angel

I saw your teardrops and I heard you cry
All you need is time, seek me and you shall find
You have everything and you're still lonely
It don't have to be this way, let me show you a better day

And then you will see, the morning will come
And all of your days will be bright as the sun
So all of your fears, just cast them on me
How can I make you see?

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/i_m-your-angel-lyrics.html |]
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel, I'm your angel

And when it's time to face the storm
I'll be right by your side
Grace will keep us safe and warm
And I know we will survive

And when it seems as if your end is drawing near
Don't you dare give up the fight
Just put your trust beyond the sky

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I am your angel

And when all hope is gone, I'm here
No matter how far you are, I'm near
It makes no difference who you are
I am your angel

I'll be your cloud up in the sky
I'll be your shoulder when you cry
I'll hear your voices when you call me
I'm your angel

Who am i?

Its one of these days when i wonder...who am i..........sure.....i'm use to picking up the phone and saying yes this is penny the pharmacist........but am i really a pharmacist?sometimes i wonder......

just like today...i realised that when looking at a prescription of 300mg bpenV for a 3 year old child and not realising what the problem was.........seeing my superiors picking out newbies to be their successor and realising i was never on the list or even when counselling patients that i couldnt even do properly, the basic skills that a pharmacist needs to have.....

then there was this horrible presentation.........one that i have been preparing for 3 months and still in the end i have absolutely no idea what i was saying and was basically just reading from the slides blindly......i have never been so under prepared in my whole life.....

then, there is a question and answer session.........pediatric doses for things like piriton, prednisolone, salbutamol even, i do not know.......what do i know??everyday i go to work.....am i being a health hazard to all my patients?

then there is the issue of patients. when it comes to expensive medications, who will decide which patient deserve better?does everything have to come in a first come first served basis?the world is unfair...in the world of medicine, is it fair the earlier bird gets the fattest juiciest worms?or does the richer and more educated can demand for a better treatment while others who are not so fortunate deal with what they have?

how long can i continue life like this?what can i do to become better?i use to placate myself by saying, everyday i am improving............but am i?these are one of the days when i am so glad i never chose to become a doctor because i am sure i will be one of those who end up killing all my patients.......

2AM on a Thursday night

Dear blog,

it is the same feeling of being really really tired but just couldnt fall asleep...........yawn.........................this is pure torture........

Relaxation music...that might help...........back to december...how is that for soothing music?

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time.

Memories came back to me.................good ones and bad ones. lately a colleague sighed and said "sometimes i feel so lonely.....unlike the rest of you...having your husband/boyfriend to go with you if you want to go somewhere for a holiday" i have to admit..sometimes i feel that way too.............when i reflect on my past.......i realise that once i was also part of this group of people that my colleague envied......i have loved somebody and he loved me back............but all i gave him was goodbye. felt a bit guilty.........but life goes on.......i'm not taylor swift......i have no intention of swallowing my pride and changing my mind.......a decision good or bad was made and even if i was to remain single for the rest of my life...SO WHAT??its better than being with a wrong person...........

i have a good future.........i am going to be a good pharmacist.........i have friends.......some i can even call family............relationships, tears, love, hurt........i don't need them..........which reminds me of a song Stay the same by Joey McIntyre.....that would be my short term goal for now...........

Unanswered questions

Dear blog,

Why do i ask questions that i dont want to hear answers about?why do i constantly hurt myself by doing things that i know will eventually come back and hurt me?why do i let my emotions cloud my better judgement?why why why?

Sometimes i wish that i could handle myself better in these kind of situations..........i am 25 years old this year.......i have lived for 25 years as a human...how could i not know that a brick wall is made of bricks and cements and keep consciously and subconsciously knocking my head on it?

Perhaps my counselor would say thats self sabotaj and that i am punishing myself...i am punishing myself because i believe that someone like me does not deserve to be loved, does not deserve to be close to someone, does not believe that the girl in the mirror is beautiful....deep within regardless of physical appearance...

Maybe i just need someone to look at me and say the words "you are beautiful". in my whole life of 25 years i have only heard those 3 words once....they were not from a boyfriend (that would be bias), those words were uttered by a friend on my 20th birthday. I long to hear these 3 words again.......

To someone i hate with all my heart

I hate the way you talk to me
And the way you cut your hair
I hate the way you drive my car
I hate it when you stare


I hate your big dumb combat boots
And the way you read my mind
I hate you so much that it makes me sick
It even makes me ryhme


I hate the way you're always right
I hate it when you lie
I hate it when you make me laugh
Even worse when you make me cry


I hate the way you're not around
And the fact that you didn't call
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all. 

你是風兒我是沙

你是風兒我是沙 LYRICS

nǐ shì fēng ér wǒ shì shā
你是风儿我是沙
chán chán mián mián rào tiān yá
缠缠绵绵绕天涯
nǐ shì fēng ér wǒ shì shā
你是风儿我是沙
chán chán mián mián rào tiān yá
缠缠绵绵绕天涯


zhēn zhòng zài jiàn jīn xiāo yǒu jiǔ jīn xiāo zuì
珍重再见今宵有酒今宵醉
duì jiǔ dāng gē cháng yì hú dié kuǎn kuǎn fēi
对酒当歌长忆蝴蝶款款飞
mò zài liú liàn fù guì róng huá dōu shì jiǎ
莫再留恋富贵荣华都是假
chán chán mián mián nǐ shì fēng ér wǒ shì shā
缠缠绵绵你是风儿我是沙
Repeat Reff


dīng níng zhǔ fù qiān yán wàn yǔ liú bú zhù
叮咛嘱咐千言万语留不住
rén hǎi máng máng shān cháng shuǐ kuò zhī hé chù
人海茫茫山长水阔知何处
làng jī tiān yá cóng cǐ bìng jiān kàn cǎi xiá
浪迹天涯从此并肩看彩霞
chán chán mián mián nǐ shì fēng ér wǒ shì shā
缠缠绵绵你是风儿我是沙


diǎn diǎn dī dī wǎng rì yún yān wǎng rì huā
点点滴滴往日云烟往日花
tiān dì yōu yōu yǒu qíng xiàng shǒu cái shì jiā
天地悠悠有情相守才是家
zhāo zhāo mù mù bù fāng tà biàn hóng chén lù
朝朝暮暮不妨踏遍红尘路
chán chán mián mián nǐ shì fēng ér wǒ shì shā
缠缠绵绵你是风儿我是沙 

From the bottom of my broken heart - Britney spears

"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?
Loneliness up ahead, emptiness behind
Where do I go?


And you didn't hear
All my joy through my tears
All my hopes through my fears
Did you know, still I miss you somehow


[CHORUS:]
From the bottom of my broken heart
There's just a thing or two I'd like you to know
You were my first love, you were my true love
From the first kisses to the very last rose
From the bottom of my broken heart
Even though time may find me somebody new
You were my real love, I never knew love
'Til there was you
From the bottom of my broken heart


"Baby," I said, "please stay.
Give our love a chance for one more day"
We could have worked things out
Taking time is what love's all about


But you put a dart
Through my dreams through my heart
And I'm back where I started again
Never thought it would end


[Repeat CHORUS]


You promised yourself
But to somebody else
And you made it so perfectly clear
Still I wish you were here


[Repeat CHORUS]


"Never look back," we said
How was I to know I'd miss you so?

P.S I dedicate this song to someone i have loved a long time ago. I hope you are happy where you are. Thank you for once loving me and leaving me with not just sweet memories but also sweet words.