Who am i?

Its one of these days when i wonder...who am i..........sure.....i'm use to picking up the phone and saying yes this is penny the pharmacist........but am i really a pharmacist?sometimes i wonder......

just like today...i realised that when looking at a prescription of 300mg bpenV for a 3 year old child and not realising what the problem was.........seeing my superiors picking out newbies to be their successor and realising i was never on the list or even when counselling patients that i couldnt even do properly, the basic skills that a pharmacist needs to have.....

then there was this horrible presentation.........one that i have been preparing for 3 months and still in the end i have absolutely no idea what i was saying and was basically just reading from the slides blindly......i have never been so under prepared in my whole life.....

then, there is a question and answer session.........pediatric doses for things like piriton, prednisolone, salbutamol even, i do not know.......what do i know??everyday i go to work.....am i being a health hazard to all my patients?

then there is the issue of patients. when it comes to expensive medications, who will decide which patient deserve better?does everything have to come in a first come first served basis?the world is unfair...in the world of medicine, is it fair the earlier bird gets the fattest juiciest worms?or does the richer and more educated can demand for a better treatment while others who are not so fortunate deal with what they have?

how long can i continue life like this?what can i do to become better?i use to placate myself by saying, everyday i am improving............but am i?these are one of the days when i am so glad i never chose to become a doctor because i am sure i will be one of those who end up killing all my patients.......