The "incident"

The next time i opened my eyes, I was in the hospital. I had no idea what happened and the first person i saw when i opened my eyes was CY, my roommate and BFF. She said i have been unconscious for 3 days and they found me in front of the cafeteria toilets one morning.

I stayed in the Mater for 3 months. It is a good thing i was covered by insurance as i had a lot of physiotherapy to go through before i could walk properly again. I never remembered what happened that night and i never want to.

Life goes on as normal after the incident. I continued doing research. 3 months later, I realised that something is missing from my life. Something that should happen on a regular basis. My worst suspicion came through. I decided to visit the pharmacy to buy what i needed to confirm. The results came back positive.

What am i to do?I was devastated. I had no one and i am in the middle of my final year. I cant afford this. A thought crossed my mind. But..........i know i could never commit murder. I decided that i will take it one step at a time and when the time comes, i'll then decide what to do.

I read in the news recently regarding the story of the Princess suffering from hyperemesis gravidarum. She had the luxury of being hospitalised in the best hospital of the state and no doubt treated by the best doctor and most importantly loved by a wonderful husband, the handsome Prince. I on the other hand, bit on pieces of ginger to try and stop it. It was those days that i realised that friends are really the jewels of my life.

Besides keeping my dreadful secret, CY cooked my every meal and took care of every single aspect of my life that i could not handle through the last stages of my difficult situation. She took notes for me when i was too sick to attend lectures and covered my assignments for me, especially the group work ones. I had to give up on doing my honours research with Carl, as i was too sick to continue at the time. I did not feel it was fair to the rest of the members of the research group.

The day comes for our final exam...............................i am really going to graduate.............it was towards the end of my last paper....when i felt it.........the strangest sensation of needing to go to the toilet. I quickly finished what i could and raised my hand to hand in the paper. Suddenly..my water broke. Til today i can still remember the horrid smell, as i am sure the rest of the 600 students in the exam hall would too....

It was a difficult delivery. I was only 20 years old. What could i do?

Just a girl

So what if they call me a prostitute"?so what if i really am a prostitute?some states even fight for the rights to legalize prostitution..........and i never thought that prostitution is not a proper job. for millions of years, people have done barter trading. selling personal goods and services in return for something else. which is what i did. so you wanna call me a prostitute?Go ahead.

I am just a girl. True, i sell my body for people who can help me fulfill my dreams. i remember i was 16 years old. My tuition teacher always liked me. He buys me things and cuddles me. He was a man in his 40s but he has given me so much in terms of knowledge and experience. and the most important referral letter that i needed to get a scholarship to go to university when i was 17. So my results are mediocre. but i managed to get in the top highest medical school in the country.

University is a gate to the big world. Yes, the big world is full of big bad wolves and also..................perverts.........this is where i met my mentor......Carl...........he was a part time lecturer but he really is a full time medical officer at a local hospital near my university. Attending Carl's lectures, i can never pay attention to the subject he is lecturing on. I only have eyes for him. Thus begin my infactuation to the very handsome and very charismatic lecturer. Only one problem...he is married...unhappily.....

How would i know?He told me..as soon i was to be doing research under him. Which is my life's dream. To see him everyday. It makes every girl die happy. Many nights we spend together in our research laboratory. Seeking cure to mankinds greatest fear. Sickness and diseases.....research was Carl's life......work is also his life........because he has no other life. Married for the past 5 years with no signs of marital life. It was a " "loveless" marriage. He once told me he feels very trapped in his family and that his wife does not understand him.

2 years. I worked under Carl for 2 years where my infactuation grew into true love. I would do anything for this man if he asks me. Everytime i look at him, i was filled with a desire to bring him love and care and all the happiness in this world. One night, it was a particularly busy quarter...and all lab work need to be completed to be published in the summer version of the journal of medicine in order for the next semester's grant for research to be approved. Everyone in the team was working really hard and we were all physically and mentally exhausted. I couldnt stand the look of Carl's baggy puffy eyes so i went to the cafeteria to get us some coffee...........

The hallways were dark. I was alone and i began to worry as i hear footsteps behind me...........my heart started beating really fast and i walked as fast i could to the coffee machine....suddenly i hear a very loud sound and everything was pitch black.

Short stories

Dear blog...........

i think i am the type of person that reveals too much things online...as my ex bf use to say....i should be banned from using the internet.........

so i have decided that from now on..everything i post on this blog will be purely fictional......and i have decided..thanks to my colleagues Mr Goh and Mr. Mak's inspiration..to post short stories in my blog instead

Disclaimer: everything is purely fictional. any similarities to anyone dead or alive is purely a coincidence.


love,
PJ

post call syndrome

Crap..post call and cant sleep...so typing nonsense here...........yawn............................

double triple quadruple yawn..........

crazy night.........have to do mdi counseling at 3 am in the morning.

now.........cant sleep pulak

ran out of lives in candy crush........so got nothing else better to do............................gosh...........

so worried................anxiety attack...............no!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Behind every successful man there is a woman

Behind every successful man there is USUALLY a women but

Does every successful woman NORMALLY have a man backing her up?

Lets take a look at history. Chinese emperor with their 3000 concubines vs the great queen elizabeth the first of England....

Come modern day, Florence Nightingale, Mother Theresa, Helen Keller, Hilary Clinton, Oprah......vs big men like President Obama, Duke of Cambridge, Tiger Woods etc......

So what is the difference?The men all had loving wives behind their backs, supporting their every move, sharing their every success.........

The women?they had themselves i suppose. Take Hilary Clinton for instance, talk about family issue and look how well she fared on her own.

The point is, great women are almost always alone in their struggles of achieving their goals in life and dreams. Thus behind every successful man there is a woman but behind every successful women, there is usually a sad story.

Why the sudden thought u might ask....well....the last example to this testament would be me....i suppose i am not considered successful now...but if i have to choose to be the woman behind the man or to be a successful woman with a sad story..........i would without hesistation to choose the former............

However, it is not always a choice.....sometimes, life meant for you to do things that you originally never thought you could set out to do.......

A discussion with a good friend today enlightenend me.......we must all become a functioning individual...having your other half beside you is icing on the cake..without it, we still have to funtion........that is a good way of ensuring an equal balanced relationship between two people.........

Very true......sad to say.....all those successful women........not all is as lucky as the heroine in my favourite book, Falling Leaves.

Sisters out there, i post a question to you....do you want to be a successful woman or a woman behind a successful man?

To revive is to learn to give CPR

Poor blog,

i have abandoned u for almost a year....gosh......u havent heard me ranting ever since i started working in a new hospital have you?

well, time to give you some CPR........ready?

Life has been wonderful to me...........i have recently became sister to two of my friends who got married....

very touching ceremonies too.......its these times that i wonder about the white dress and whether i will ever have the chance of wearing one.

When i looked back.......yup........life has been hard for me for the past 6 years...true....i have been alone with all the struggles of life, ups and downs.....but hey......i met so many ji mui along the way that cares so much for me and when my psychologist asked me to share who my support group people are..........i find them...........not just the girls in the pics.........my besties cy,chelfi, ls.........u guys will always be my besties.......going further maylyn n whye san....yea...i think so .....if i do one day get a chance to wear a white dress.......i've got my girls.......but unfortunately...some really too far le........need to save up so can sponsor u all.......

Gosh...suddenly i am planning my wedding pulak.........here's the catch...got no one to marry to......hahaha....wat a joke.........for a person whose lfie is so bleak at the moment..........i really needed something or someone to look forward to...........

maybe i try to hard....because i feel so tired now........i'm sorry for trying to hard to find someone that i can love and that loves me back. i will stop now for a rest and just let it be. accept when it comes and when it doesnt...i should spend my time doing something else better or risk being hurt over and over again...........again

Wish me luck bloggie dear. besides this attempt to revive u...i am also going to try and revive myself