Even if a beautiful flower withers, it still leaves behind a lingering smell

Dear PO PO

Today we send you off for one last time. You lived an amazing 97 years as we have known being a wonderful mother and grandmother to many.

I have not been part of your family for long but the first time we met, you looked at me and smiled a very sweet smile. You don't have much teeth left but that smile was the beautiful smile i have ever seen.

I knew from that moment on that you have accepted me as your family. Then you looked at your grandson and told him to treat me well and love me and to marry me. You also ask us to marry and have many children to carry on the family name.

Po Po, today we all say goodbye to you. But it is not a sad goodbye. We are all wearing pink and red because your wonderful life deserve to be celebrated. We love you and we will always remember you for how loving you are.

We know deep down that you are not gone. In Buddhism it is called Wang Shen....we know you have gone to a better place...we believe you are smiling down on us.

Po Po I know in law I am not legally your granddaughter in law but I will still treat you like you are. I promise I will forever hold, love and cherish your grandson for richer and poorer, in sickness and health for better or worse...and soon I will bring a great grandchild to greet you...as you last wished.

From the bottom of my broken heart

In a new beginning http://piginoz.blogspot.com/2014/11/a-new-beginning.html, the story was told from the viewpoint of Sam, the psychiatrist, here is a continuation of Eva’s story from Sam’s point of view.

I sat in my office waiting for my next appointment. I flipped open the file:

A happy wedding turned into a sad funeral. Matt, the bridegroom was no more and Eva can only weep sorrowfully at the heavens as they will be forever separated in life. She wore her blood stained white wedding dress for three days and three nights as she stared at his picture. At the hospital, she refused to leave Matt, so much that her family have to request the medical staff to sedate her so that Matt can be prepared for the funeral service. She would eat nothing as the only thing she can feel now is emptiness. She no longer lives because her love, her heart and soul had died with him.

Eva, sitting alone in her blood stained white wedding dress on the floor of the bathroom, resembled a withering rose.

Eva did eventually get off the floor of that bathroom. It was 2 a.m when I received the call from ED. My patient almost drowned. She walked alone to the lake where Matt proposed and jumped in from the spot where he asked her to marry him just a mere two month ago. The water was freezing and she was in hypothermia. When I walked into ED, she was as cold as ice and she was pale. Lifeless. Somehow the hot blankets worked, somehow, after 2 hours of continuous resuscitation effort, her temperature returned to normal and her heart started beating again. Literally, but when she was conscious, her eyes were like glass, she couldn’t and wouldn’t utter a single word. She as the masses would say, is heartbroken.

So now she sits in my office and I am trying to help her. But first, I need to convince her to reveal her past. She started by telling me her experiences when she was a child.

So what if they call me a prostitute"?so what if i really am a prostitute?some states even fight for the rights to legalize prostitution..........and i never thought that prostitution is not a proper job. for millions of years, people have done barter trading. selling personal goods and services in return for something else. which is what i did. so you wanna call me a prostitute?Go ahead.

I am just a girl. True, i sell my body for people who can help me fulfill my dreams. i remember i was 16 years old. My tuition teacher always liked me. He buys me things and cuddles me. He was a man in his 40s but he has given me so much in terms of knowledge and experience. and the most important referral letter that i needed to get a scholarship to go to university when i was 17. So my results are mediocre. but i managed to get in the top highest medical school in the country.

University is a gate to the big world. Yes, the big world is full of big bad wolves and also..................perverts.........this is where i met my mentor......Carl...........he was a part time lecturer but he really is a full time medical officer at a local hospital near my university. Attending Carl's lectures, i can never pay attention to the subject he is lecturing on. I only have eyes for him. Thus begin my infactuation to the very handsome and very charismatic lecturer. Only one problem...he is married...unhappily.....

How would i know?He told me..as soon i was to be doing research under him. Which is my life's dream. To see him everyday. It makes every girl die happy. Many nights we spend together in our research laboratory. Seeking cure to mankinds greatest fear. Sickness and diseases.....research was C's life......work is also his life........because he has no other life. Married for the past 5 years with no signs of marital life. It was a " "loveless" marriage. He once told me he feels very trapped in his family and that his wife does not understand him.

2 years. I worked under C for 2 years where my infactuation grew into true love. I would do anything for this man if he asks me. Everytime i look at him, i was filled with a desire to bring him love and care and all the happiness in this world. One night, it was a particularly busy quarter...and all lab work need to be completed to be published in the summer version of the journal of medicine in order for the next semester's grant for research to be approved. Everyone in the team was working really hard and we were all physically and mentally exhausted. I couldn't stand the look of C's baggy puffy eyes so i went to the cafeteria to get us some coffee...........

The hallways were dark. I was alone and i began to worry as i hear footsteps behind me...........my heart started beating really fast and i walked as fast i could to the coffee machine....suddenly i hear a very loud sound and everything was pitch black.

I woke up in a hospital bed. The first sensation I could feel was pain. I couldn’t remember anything. The police came and took my statement. I was told that they found me by the trash, naked and violated. My face was badly bruised and my ribs were broken in three places. There was a 10 centimeter scar across my neck from my right ear down my throat. My attackers were obviously never trained medically as they missed all my jugular veins. I lied in the trash for almost three hours before the janitor found me. It was a miracle that I was alive.

Life as I know it from that point onwards was over. I didn’t know how to live with me because I hardly know myself. The first time I looked into the mirror five days after I woke up, I screamed at the stranger staring back at me.

C never once looked down on me or my dark murky past. When I felt that I was drowning, he was there to lend me a hand to pull me out of the water. I took showers about ten times each day because I can always feel that there is filth on me and I must have been washing my hands about 100 times a day. Still C never once judged me. He stood by me and he gave me hope. He was the reason I learned to walk again in this long winding and bumpy road we call life.

He accepted me for me and for that i learned that i must accept him from him. Many nights were spent alone in his big empty house, waiting. It was all part and parcel of being with someone so full of ambition.

But sometimes, the nights can be lonely. But i have learned from past failed relationships that love means accepting a person's good qualities and accepting and learning to love those that werent. Because nobody is perfect.

But C being him, is just this perfect guy that wants his girl to have a perfect world. We are two people that are very much in love, and for me, he was willing to give up anything.

I could not let him do that. i could never let him give up his dreams for me. So i choose to let go. I choose to end the relationship this time. Before everything turns sour. I said harsh words. Very harsh words. And then i do what i do best. I disappeared and did not looked back.

You see, MSF does this mission once in a while to specific areas in the world where medical services are needed. If he passed it up, i have no idea when the same chance will come again. i have always believed that if you truly love a person, you do not try to possess him or to keep him by your side, as that is never the main aim. If you truly love someone, you would want him to be happy. And that when you see that he is happy, chasing after his dreams and living it, you would be happy too. No matter how painful it takes for you to put that sharp knife through yourself.

It was a painful step, but i was necessary in order for him to be able to go out on his own, and be free to chase his own dreams, even if those dreams do not include me.

About 6 weeks after I left, I had an accident. We were unloading supplies into a medical camp when suddenly……………….

*Whether this story will continue or not depend on your vote. If you are interested to hear what happened next, insert your name in the comments section.

First love

It was during my final year internship that i met C. To me, he was the perfect guy. Charismatic and funny at the same time. He was an avid researcher and it was his dream to do research in medicine to benefit mankind.

C never once looked down on me or my dark murky past. He accepted me for me and for that i learned that i must accept him from him. Many nights were spent alone in his big empty house, waiting. It was all part and parcel of being with someone so full of ambition.

But sometimes, the nights can be lonely. But i have learned from past failed relationships that love means accepting a person's good qualities and accepting and learning to love those that werent. Because nobody is perfect.

But C being him, is just this perfect guy that wants his girl to have a perfect world. We are two people that are very much in love, and for me, he was willing to give up anything.

I could not let him do that. i could never let him give up his dreams for me. So i choose to let go. I choose to end the relationship this time. Before everything turns sour. I said harsh words. Very harsh words. And then i do what i do best. I disappeared and did not looked back.

You see, MSF does this mission once in a while to specific areas in the world where medical services are needed. If he passed it up, i have no idea when the same chance will come again. i have always believed that if you truly love a person, you do not try to possess him or to keep him by your side, as that is never the main aim. If you truly love someone, you would want him to be happy. And that when you see that he is happy, chasing after his dreams and living it, you would be happy too. No matter how painful it takes for you to put that sharp knife through yourself.

It was a painful step, but i was necessary in order for him to be able to go out on his own, and be free to chase his own dreams, even if those dreams do no include me. Who am I? I am Eva and this is my story

A new beginning

On April 11, 2013, i wrote a story entitled Just a girl @ http://piginoz.blogspot.com/2013/04/just-girl.html

Her story did continue, albeit one year later.

A new beginning

The first time I met Eva, she was just a regular girl sitting in my office. Wavy soft brown hair, large dark brown eyes, 5 feet tall and curvy. It was just another consultation, perhaps just a regular case of MDD. But as the sessions continue, I am blown away by how many secrets this young girl can contain. You see, in my line of work, confidentiality is very important. But the stories she carry is much too interesting to be kept secret. So I have decided to write them down. But I will not share with just anyone, only to those that have the ability to read not from the eyes but through the heart. If you are reading this now, I hope you can do that.

It all begins with a red wedding. No, its not the type of Asian wedding where the bride dresses up in red and gets sent off in a red carriage. This is the Game of Thrones equivalent type of red wedding. She was 25 years old, and she thought she found someone that she could spend the rest of her life with. She walked down the aisle in her white dress accompanied by her beloved father with the rest of the family in attendance, watching her glow with the kind of joy that can only stem from true love. Her groom, 32, a tall handsome imposing figure turns around to see the mate he plans to love and cherish forever. All of the sudden, there was a sound of gunshot. Bang. All the ladies start screaming and running. Eva never made it to the end of the aisle.

A happy wedding turned into a sad funeral. Matt, the bridegroom was no more and Eva can only weep sorrowfully at the heavens as they will be forever separated in life. She wore her blood stainned white wedding dress for 3 days and 3 nights as she stared at his picture. At the hospital, she refused to leave Matt, so much that her family have to request the medical staff to sedate her so that Matt can be prepared for the funeral service. She would eat nothing as the only thing she can feel now is emptiness. She no longer lives because her love, her heart and soul had died with him.

Eva, sitting alone in her blood stainned white wedding dress on the floor of the bathroom, resembled a withering rose. Would she be able to find a new beginning for herself?

Stay tuned to find out.

To be continued...............


**If you like my stories, please leave a comment so that I will be motivated to write somemore**

the prayer

I pray you'll be our eyes
And watch us where we go
And help us to be wise
In times when we don't know

Let this be our prayer
When we lose our way
Lead us to a place
 Guide us with your grace
To a place where we'll be safe

The voice of Celine Dion soothes me on a troubled day

It is exhausting to live sometimes you can't really blame those who sought to end life. I can sort of see their point. Recently a bout of evil office politics saw me nauseated and dizzy. Sometimes I wish I could just quit. It is then I turn to chanting the mantra mortgage mortgage mortgage. Yup, that kept me going for a while.

I envy those who never seem to tire. Yes, I.m talking about you Mr. Teoh SuLim, yes I also mean you Peng. How do you guys get all the energy?Greats....you guys are like giants and how I hope I can just be a little like you.

Achievements, another aspect which I wonder, how do you do it?can give me some tips?

It has been said that behind every successful man there is a women. However behind every successful woman there is usually a tragic story. I have always dreamed of finding a successful man to stand behind but failing miserably.

 So I have chosen the latter. The tragic story part though.......perhaps if I jumped off a cliff tomorrow........ hahaha.....oh well.....they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

Hope to get your support and prayers through this.



E la fede che
Hai assesso in noi
Sento che ci salvera

Death

Death is the solution to all problems.

The last enemy that shall be destroyed is Death.

人生走到尽头 的 是 后, 还有什么值得留恋的呢

Our country has seen dark days this year. First, a plane disappears, then another shot down. Life is certainly too fragile. Its like candlelight sometimes before a candle is burned to the end, the light is just snuffed out.

But is Death really a scary thing? Everyone dies eventually right?there lies the question, would I rather be a ghost of 370 or 17? Maybe a ghost of 370 as the plane is not found yet and I could still be alive somewhere naively speaking. How about living relatives?in my personal opinion, I would rather be a living relative of 17 as at least it is certain the outcome and would not be left guessing for months. Some may argue that its better to have hope than none at all but when a person is dead, it is better to be certain that person’s death and have found the body to prove it rather than死无全身

About a month ago I read a touching wedding story. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2671525/It-like-heartbreaking-fairytale-Emotional-moment-cancer-patient-weds-true-love-hospital-ceremony-dying-just-10-hours-later.html

The couple had a two year old daughter…I suppose one feels sorry for the dead but perhaps the one suffering the most through these are the ones that are still living.

Perhaps to the dead, it is a certain kind of release. Especially those who are suffering in this life..

Funny in this life, people usually fight to live and yet some may find that life is生不 如死. Perhaps I should have traded souls with some of those abroad those flights.

Yes, to trade volatile and incompetent me with one of those HIV researchers who may have a better chance of de hacer una differencia.

Initially due to my obsession with World Cup and its shinning star Lionel, I did some research on the life of Eva Peron. It may not be a bed of roses but at least after her death, millions remember and love her. I was inspired to do something to make a difference in the descamisados of the world but now I just realised how vastly incompetent I am. Do I deserve to live over those hundreds of life that tragically ended through those tragedies? I cant say. But one thing is for certain, although I am born on the same day as Eva, I can never be her no matter how naively I dream to be.

Suddenly it seems my obsessions are the only thing that is keeping my sanity til now. Without them to distract me, I came back to reality which when hits you in the face could certainly be fatal in its own way.

Maybe its time to embrace Death and the release that it can bring. Maybe Father in Heaven would take pity on his worthless little girl and take her back into his arms for once. One can only hope.

For every cloud is there a silver lining?

当一个人太伤心了思考，往往导致人放弃一切. Qué significa nada si todo el mundo trata de consolarla? 人は一生懸命再試行して、もう一度、彼女は価値があることを証明するとき、それは本当に問題ではありません？quand il ya un rêve impossible, elle a osé rêver. 하지만 그녀는 꿈은 항상 꿈이 될 것입니다 알고 현실에서 설정할 때, 당신은 잔인한 현실에 일어나해야

La realidad de que la vida es dura, tan dura que a veces es agotador sólo para vivir. Maybe ... maybe illic est aliquid melius est reverti in armis olim Faber i tandem pax ametur. 我只是要找到这样做的最好方式.

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong

I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high
And life worth living
I dreamed that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung

No wine untasted

But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
And they turn your dream to shame

He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came

And still I dream he'll come to me
That we'll live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream I dreamed
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